DON’S LEXICON OF MISAPPROPRIATED LANGUAGE (Part 1)
Rod Serling set the standard with his speech that opens ‘The Twilight Zone.’ However, this other dimension has to do with using twisted, carjacked English, re-appropriated for use as I see fit. In this other dimension of not only sight nor sound but of mind, intentional misspellings, double entendres and sugar weaseling of words abound.
That said, here are the terms of the day, broken down so even troglodytes and prolific knuckleheads can understand. Enjoy!
NATHAN: A substitute for “nothing.” In a sentence, “That fool thought he was going to rob me but was only doing it for practice. I ain’t had nathan in my pockets but lint!”
DEM SHYTZ: A rehashing of “them shits” which, in itself, is improper English. A favorite saying for Steed (have you read ‘Dead Assets’ yet, mang?), which is a stand-in for just about anything in plurality. In a sentence, “The barbecued ribs were too mild, so I had to put some hot sauce on dem shytz!”
MANG: Scoobert Beardy Mills and PastorKevin McLemore love this term, which I derived from ‘Scarface’ and Howlin’ Wolf’s “Mannish Boy” (though the latter comes off more like “main”). It’s a mispronunciation of “man”, which, when used in a sentence, surpasses gender and is a stand-in term for a person for whom the speaker has some sort of affection or passion. It is often used with the term “main” for humorous effect: “Herb is cool. He’s my main mang, mang!”
SLAPCHU: An antiquated term from my old neighborhood, which denotes the putting down of one’s pimp hand. “What?! You been out on the corner all night and this is all you have to show for it?! Don’t make Sweet Daddy Sugar Weasel have to slapchu!”
CAT: A term of affection for a cool dude. Often used with the term “smoove”: “Reggie might be the smoovest cat we know!”
WWF TERMINOLOGY: Used for dramatic, laughable effect: “Every time I get into it with my old lady, she be comin’ off the top rope like Jimmy Superfly Snukka with the People’s Elbow!”
PIMP SLAPPAGE: Just what it sounds like.
UNCONSCIOUS: To a point that surpasses the senses; to an extreme.
UNDEROOS: (Often used in conjunction with a favorite superhero) Underwear or pajamas, most often for comedic effect. “I was lazy as hell yesterday, sittin’ around the house all day rockin’ my Captain America Underoos with the trapdoor and the feet in ’em…”
FYC: Short for “f*** yo’ couch”, from the “Rick James” segment of ‘Chappelle’s Show’. A favorite inside joke and term of endearment between me, Robert Hall and Charles Streat. The couch can also be replaced with a loveseat (FYLS), ottoman (FYO) or any other random piece of furniture.
HOLLIN’ 1-8-7 WMDIYM, FOOL: A term used for a random burst of laughter or unexpected comedy. I won’t explain “WMDIYM”, though. Reference Snoop and you’ll be fine.
WHIPPER-SNAPPER / GIPPER-GAPPER / YOUNG GRASSHOPPER / PADAWAN: A younger or relatively inexperienced individual.
TRUE DAT: Same as “Ain’t that the truth!”
I’LL BEHAVE: Same as “Allow me to retort. I just posted something bordering on X-rated when this is a PG-13 format…but I really ain’t sorry!”